Whew, what a title!  But they are all about the same with minor differences.  I am a wedding officiant in Charleston, SC. I am often asked to explain the different specialized ceremonies, so figured I would blog about them!

The best part about these ceremonies is that there are general guidelines, but no hard-set “rules”.  This allows each couple to personalize the ceremony the way they see it! If you have been following my blogs, you know I am all about each couple personalizing their ceremony!!

So I will explain these unity ceremonies in the order they are presented in the title.

The Unity Candle

This ceremony has been around approximately 30-40 years, gaining in popularity in the 1970′s and 1980′s.  The reason for the gain in popularity is couples wanting to involve the family, specifically the mothers, in their wedding ceremony.  Traditionally, the mothers light the two taper candles before they are seated during the processional.  At the specified time during the wedding ceremony, the couple and wedding officiant or ordained minister will shift over to the candles.  Some couples choose to have a song play during the lighting, while others have the wedding officiant say a narrative.  The bride and groom use the lighted tapers to light the center candle together.  

Traditionally, the tapers are then blown out to represent how the two individual lives have now become one.  Some couples leave the taper lit to symbolize that although they are united, they are still two independent people.  After the ceremony the candle(s) are extinguished.  The newlyweds can display the unity candle in their home, and relight it on their anniversary.

Unity Sand

 There are more variations to the unity sand than there is for the unity candle.  I try not to be biased, but I love the unity sand!  Especially when combining families.  What really sets the unity sand apart to me is the visual representation and including different family members!  Like the unity candle, you have a large vase or container that receives sand from the smaller vessels of sand.  In the photo to the left you see the large container and 3 smaller ones.  There are actually 4 smaller ones, but 1 did not make the photo.  This couple chose to have their mothers come up and pour brown sand in the bottom of the vase to “lay the foundation” in the vase, as the mothers had laid the foundation in their lives.  The couple then added their sand on top of this foundation.  Another couple had a color for the mothers to pour to represent the love and acceptance they showed, and had the fathers pour another color to represent the sacrifices and firm commitment they represented, and then the couple layered their colors on top of that foundation.

I love when children get involved!  It makes them feel like a part of the special day more than carrying the rings or a basket of flowers, they get to come up, and put sand in the vase and truly participate!  I have the bride and groom pour half their sand in the vase, then the child(ren) pour their color, topped off with the couple’s sand. This visually places the child(ren) in the center of the couple as the child(ren) is the center of the bride and grooms world, as well as show the child(ren) is protected and surrounded by the couple’s love.  The child(ren) can come up and pour the sand and then sit back down, or stand  next to their parent, or they can also say something, their own vows to be a supportive part of the family.

The couples that choose to do the unity sand without other participants, usually the groom will pour about 1/4 of his sand, the bride a 1/4 of hers, and they will repeat this 2 more times.  Now they each have about 1/4 left of each of their sand.  some couples choose to stop there to symbolize, although their lives are combined, they are still separate and equal individuals.  Other couples, pour that last bit of sand at the same time to truly blend the sand colors across the top layer.

For a beach wedding, I suggest buying one color of sand, and then using sand from the beach for the other color!  As you can see from these photos, there are many choices of vessels to hold the sand as there is colors!! For the open container, you can place floral arrangements, or candles in the vase.  The decorating ideas are numerous!!  Have fun with it and remember that you are such an intimate part of each others lives that you will never be the same without the other, just as you could never completely separate every granule of sand back into the original containers. “The individual colors do not cease to exist, but are now blended together, and it is this blending together that is marriage, and unity of family. “

The Wine Ceremony

The wine ceremony is usually performed with a white and a red wine.  The wine filled carafes can be on the table, or the mothers can carry the wines to the table during the processional. Music can be played during the ceremony of the bride and groom pouring the wines into one cup, or the couple can speak some vows.  Then they each take a drink of the mixed wine. Another variation, is to mix the wine into a large carafe, pour two glasses of the mixed wine, and after a toast to each other drink the mixed wine.

“This Ceremony represents the two individual lives are now combined like the two wines into one single life. The drinking of the combined wine signifies the commitment you now make to live your lives as one family. May you remember this day of commitment you have sealed with drinking of the new wine joining your lives as one.”

Unity Water Ceremony

The water ceremony is like the wine ceremony without drinking it!  The bride and groom each have a designated  colored water, and when they pour the colored water together, it becomes a new color.  Some couples have been inspired to add a WOW factor to the ceremony by having the water glow.  I had a couple that had 2 clear glasses of water that they were pouring into a larger vessel.  When I saw the clear water, I thought to myself, why combine 2 clear water vessels.  Since I don’t judge my couples, but embrace the love they share, I shrugged it off and went on with the ceremony.  When it was time to pour the water, as the two waters combined, it turned pink!!  Everyone was awed (including me) and a huge round of applause erupted!!!

Other Unity Ideas

Flowers in a Vase:  At a Garden wedding,  a table with a beautiful vase, surrounded with many loose flowers.  While I read “The Key to Love”, the family members each came up and placed a flower in the vase, followed by the wedding party, and lastly the bride and groom.  It was very nice.

Goldfish:  What?  Is that a typo?  Goldfish?  Yes, live goldfish!  The bride has a 2-year-old daughter, that she felt was

too young for the unity sand.  So they started off with 3 bowls with a goldfish in each bowl.  When we did the Unity “Goldfish”, the bride and groom each poured their bowl and goldfish into the larger goldfish bowl, and the little girl poured in her goldfish and proclaimed that the fish were a complete family now like they were!  It was precious!!

All these different ideas have the same basic element: a visual representation of combining two lives and hearts into one.  The method you choose to represent that is completely up to you!!  Don’t like wine, maybe you met in a coffee shop…  have a “coffee ceremony”…  The choices are endless!  Bottom line is express yourself, your love for each other, in a way that you can claim as your own!

I hope I have inspired some ideas!  Please leave comment on any unity ceremonies you have been apart of,  have seen, or think you might do in your ceremony!!!